Watching this movie brought fear for me. I’ve been homeless. My father is self centered, paranoid and racist like the father portrayed by De Niro. I can relate to the main character’s fear of becoming like his father. The fear that I experienced watching this film wasn’t about the possibility that I may become like my father though. It was mainly about being homeless again.
It’s snowing outside. It looks like January and feels like winter even though the equinox passed us by yesterday. Living in Alaska was the first time BP episodes struck me. I fell into a serious depressive pit. Being much younger then I had never lived on my own. I didn’t know how to deal with other people except through the dysfunctional way I related to my family. I was/am the black sheep. I am the negative to everything that each of my siblings and parents have done in life.
Walking through Alaskan streets cold, bone weary knowing there was no home to escape to is an experience that cannot be explained easily. Take all your self assurance, get rid of it. Then with facial expressions and body language make yourself look like you have somewhere to go. Convey to other people that you are not lost and an outsider. When you see the druggies and thugs on the street (remember, you have no home, nowhere to hide, everyone is a potential thug,) make your face hard, not open as if you have the knowledge that can hurt them if they consider attacking. It sounds stupid as I sit here in a warm office with a refrigerator full of good food just steps away and a warm bed with a feather quilt upstairs. But this is not my home. I rent. I am a few steps away from homelessness everyday. And you could be too.
On another topic that has always intrigued me: mental illness in movies.
I really hated Silver Linings Playbook and most people who’ve seen it think it really shows mental illness. I can’t tell you what irked me about it, maybe it’s because my episodes are not like that. Maybe they are but I don’t see them like that. I only know that sometimes when I ask other people’s opinions about my episodes and actions they sometimes give me that weird sideways look that seems to me says: “Uh, you don’t know what you’re talking about but I better not say that to you.”
Anyway, I am still looking for a copy of Titicut Follies http://www.yidio.com/movie/titicut-follies/2586?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=Search&utm_campaign=titicut-follies-MOVIE&utm_term=titicut%20follies&sf_campaign=Movies2&sf_adgroup=titicut-follies-MOVIE&sf_adid=11835180611&sf_keyword=titicut%20follies&sf_type=b&sf_placement=&gclid=CNacxfrsj7YCFQ-znQodAjgAdw
Anyone have one?