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A person I considered as a close friend tweaked out about 2 years ago and dropped me and contact with me by doing that “I’m going to cut you out of my life” thing some people do. I’ve done it. When I do it, it’s permanent though. I’m not better than her or anyone else, I don’t consider myself to be. I do cut out toxicity in my life. I can’t handle people who become a massive destructive driving force in my life. I tend to become the canary in the coal mine and chaos, anger and drama tend to buffet me and my psyche around without much direction nor control.

I give people 3 chances. Even the ones who have physically abused me. Then you are gone. I have a metal wall that protects my emotions and my decision making. I usually call it the demon as it walks right in, sits right down and does it’s business unlike my usual persona that is kind of wishy washy, flexible and likes to please people. The hate and anger I hold pinpoint an energy and make sure that no matter how stupid I am I am protected from too much self abuse created by contact with other people.

So getting back to my former best friend, who I fed off her amazing amount of energy that was in turn driven by her mania (she is BP1 unipolar,) so that my dragging natural depressive nature could be floated enough so that I would not live under the dreaded low energy depression that has caped me throughout life. I admit it. I use people when I feel I have to. It’s another feature of the demon that knows how I operate and takes advantage of any resource that presents itself to me. It’s why I can’t commit suicide. She (my former “best friend”,) dumped me when I didn’t feel the need to unfriend someone who’d angered her on fb. Cut me out of her life. Than POPPED UP when she decided we were friends again. For her that is just something she does and it doesn’t faze her. For me you only take those measures when you can not have contact with someone so destructive in your life that their actions affect you for a month or more.

Again last year, I don’t even remember why, she dumped me. Oh yeah, I wasn’t available to her when she expected me to be. It didn’t matter that my father had dementia or that my Mother had cancer and that I was going through my own sh!t. Okay. Now I have to stop writing. I am so angry I can’t even think straight.

Seems like she wants me to babysit her daughter (who I don’t have a problem with,) because being a Mother is such a problem because you have to deal with someone who is immature. Go figure.

Kick me in the @ss for having a problem with this. Some problems are very easy to figure out.

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