I’m glad the week is over. I am getting better at attending OASIS, arriving before lunch and pretty much attending what’s offered like the Art Class, Qi Gong and Writing. I’ve also been attempting to calm my Know-It-All tendencies by not contributing EVERY freaking time I know something or think I do. The drawing is difficult. It took me about a month and a half at least to finish a picture of salmon and it was just coloring in the lines with pencil. I feel like a seriously deficient head unit.
At the end of today I had the deep suspicion that I was secretly trying to piss off one of the other people there. I like her, I do. There’s no reason why I should act like a d!ck. Yet there I was wanting to throw a glass of water in her face and struggling not to say the equivalent of “Nuh uh!” I kept annoying myself.
And now. 2 movies watched; one in the cinema and one at home. The undercurrent mind that brings up some of the pains I have and insists that I will die of a heart attack because of my health, it plagues me. The hunger that insists that I NEED TO EAT RIGHT NOW if not because I’m hungry than because I want to taste something and coerce my stomach to engorge, feel satisfied to the point that I feel ill. My eyes hurt and yet I am greedy to squeeze information that is comforting and easy to find on the internet to force out the intolerable undercurrents that flow in between the regular thoughts and body regulations that happen all the time. I need to sleep, but to wake up with the two tubules positioned on my forehead like alien antenna or hooked to the sides of my nostrils at 5 am doesn’t inspire me to seek the lost comfort of my bed.
Thanks Titan. I needed your claws in my thighs as you teetered off my lap and onto the keyboard.
I can’t get SG out of my head. It was a monumental mistake getting in touch with her.
Maybe that’s why I wanted to write from the perspective of a tapeworm when we were given the assignment to write a poem, prose or piece from a different point of view. I sure wish screaming could relieve that special anxiety that I get at times like these when I feel like the skin of the earth is dripping off the crust and splattering into space with my @ss pinned to it. Speaking of the earth the tide was especially high today. I wonder if that had something to do with the warped mood that hounds me.