One of the kind of days that seemed planned out sufficiently but rapidly turned to cr@p. K and I talked last night over Hookah with C of seeing B selling posters at the Cinco de Mayo celebration where the Rock ‘n’ Roll Yard Sale was held today. A few weeks ago Uncle (who had a few,) asked me to visit him and just see how he was doing. Really, he wanted me to see if B was interacting with potential buyers.
Uncle and E both felt I was pretty effective at drawing people to the posters because I know how the posters are made, I get excited about talking to potential buyers about the posters and I don’t mind talking to complete strangers as well as I can back off and not be too aggressive. I don’t know if they realize I have to induce a hypomanic state to be this way. It screws up my mental balance and for weeks after I am a mess. Why do I do it? I tell myself it’s because I’m a worthless piece of trash that is a mania junkie who will do anything for a family that really loves me. The reality is more involved, is probably why I’m mentally ill and is why I have more journals that explain less about me than I want them to.
Because the day was destined to be screwed my sister was screaming at me over the phone about her car. I guess somewhere between Markos and this morning we reverted back into a childhood sibling Alpha p!ssing show. Turns out she got the same text I got from B asking if I could come up to the show ASAP so he can repark his/her car so it won’t get a ticket. Then I needed to get an iPhone cord. She screams again. Already I don’t want to go. I’m tired from the screaming and just waking up. At least K is with me and he drives. City, Saturday, crowds, parking, family and sales. I guess for many it’s NBD. We stayed 5 hours. It was windy but sunny. A nice day.
Then I ruined it by answering K’s question about selling. My mouth opened up for the hour ride home and I didn’t stop even when I realized what I was doing. I mean how many times can a person apologize and back peddle out of an unnecessary lecture?
All in all it could have been worse. Trust me I’ve had it worse where the car breaks down in the middle of an intersecting and the journey of a million steps begins with trying to get it out of the way. So far my bumper though hanging low hasn’t fallen off yet. Every time it’s put in reverse though the sensor freaks out and it sounds like a fork lift in an narrow crowded alley. Stupid plastic bodies. I’m considering getting a high heat glue gun to melt holes in the top of the bumper so I can “sew” the thing on with wire. Planned obsolescence, I truly believe that that is a vice developed since the speedy development of computer technology. Or not.
I’ve gotten into the rut of coming into the house and dropping in front of the television and I do think that it is killing me slowly. Tonight is even more so because I pass out for a few hours come to realizing that 2 movies have played and Jimmy Fallon is babbling and making himself laugh. I look over, Mom’s passed out too. At least I got the laundry in. And folded it. I don’t feel like a total degenerate. I’m up until 4 am, locking the door when I realize that C isn’t in. His bedroom light is on but his door is open. So I flick off the light, close his door (you wouldn’t believe how much cats love the smell of unwashed human male clothing,) and get in bed. I read the Drawing of the Three for the second or third time, I can’t remember. The last time I read it it was the 90s. When did I pass out? I don’t know but I did put the oxygen tubules on. In the middle of the night I have a vague dream of scuba diving in space.

Advertisements