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Bob repeats over and over in my mind.

Kev took me out for coffee but bless his pea pickin’ heart, didn’t have a enough change to get me any. That was okay, I don’t like drinking coffee late at night unless it’s with Holl. And I tweaked out while we were driving. I’m not surprised. My mind hounds me, I’m sure I’ve written of this before. In fact it’s difficult to write as my brain gibbers and gabbles distracting me and the ideas I want to record. The loud static drowns out regular thought processes and reinforces my belief that I am dull-witted.

I knew a man who took a belt,

I made it to OASIS twice this week. These small achievements are like handholds in the chink of a cliff. Yet it was cold comfort like hanging off a cliff the anxiety of falling encases me, inciting me to speak to others as I usually wouldn’t speak. I was exclusionary when speaking with Nav. I hated myself afterwards when I realized I had been so underhanded. Talking today I flitted around like a lead butterfly. I told Nav that she may appreciate Primus while I was sure K and G wouldn’t. I secretly wanted them to listen to the music that is so congruous with my moods lately. I had finished free-handing a Tlingit Raven design and was almost proud with the results.

Took a belt and hung himself,

My son’s father has a sister who had a daughter when I had gone to AK back in the 80s. I almost can’t write this. Their uncle raped his sister so the daughter was a product of incest. (See is that so bad? It just sounds technical like no one was hurt.) The little girl grew up to be a helicopter mechanic in the air force. That kind of child violation happened often in AK. It’s something no one wants to talk about. It’s one of the main reasons that I never took advantage of the Native Benefits even though my own son was considered to have enough blood to be a part of the tribe. And now my son doesn’t want any part of the tribe. It kills me. Why? Because the Tlingit are actually a very interesting people. I love their art work and their culture is quite different from the hippy dippy “Indians” that most people think of when they hear Native American.

They were a very violent tribe. They were very proud. They invaded other clans and took slaves. They lived in wooden houses that were built to last. In fact there is a village with centuries old houses that still stand but are not occupied. They wove baskets that were so tight that they were water proof and used these spruce weavings for hats and capes for the rain. They made and wore armor. They designed special boxes that were made of one wooden piece that they specially treated so that it bent into the four sides of the box and fitted in the bottom piece. They put hot rocks in these boxes to cook food. The clans were matrilineal. I could go on and on but if your that interested research Tlingit Culture online. Up until the present time Tlingit could hunt seals and other marine life that’s off limit to anyone else, it’s called subsistence hunting. My son’s Grandfather hunted seal, hooligan (candle fish,) bear as well as deer and just about anything. They had 13 people (I think, probably a few more,) in their family. 11 kids, man.

Hung himself in the doorway in the apartment where he lived.

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