It’s almost 3 am and I am up. My eyes are filled with the Sandman’s sand but my brain sneers at his attempts to bring me down. You cannot tranquilize an elephant with a pea shooter mister.
I sit and play a game on fb over and over again; a digital meditation that semi-distracts my brain from thinking. But my brain has alternative plans. Instead of thinking of the days events or things I must do tomorrow it has conversations with people who are lost, gone or just too far away to call. Did I tell you I hate the telephone? Sometimes it takes me a month to call a friend who I miss dearly.
B came over to our house. I grew up with her even though she wasn’t on the island, I could walk to her house and I used to spend the night over her place. We couldn’t stay here. My father was an alcoholic and you’d wake up to find him sitting in his recliner in only his underwear. No wonder I hate the sight of human bodies. I can deal with them dead but the effluviating, scratching, hanging, pathetic glimpse of a flaccid member dangling in an absorbent cotton sling? Makes me heave and wonder how I ever had kids.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love sex. I had a huge libido when I was younger, up until I tamed it. Once my kids started to actually look at me when I got up in the morning I began to cover up. No one wants to see their parent in flagrante. Not unless that person is perverted. And I may be mentally ill but I am not perverted. I’ve done perverted things but I am not a pervert. I dated perverts and known perverts but it has only steeled my “moral” compass, my standards if you will. I’m also not a Puritan.
Well this link is not what anything I just wrote is about. It’s about The Relationship Between Creativity and Mental Illness. I was disappointed because I thought it was going to go in depth about Van Gogh. It didn’t but I am posting it because I just skimmed it and it looks a little bit interesting.
I will now leave the internet and go look in the fridge. Good night.
Oh yeah and the video above is Foil by Weird Al. I am not a fan of the new earworm Royals once I heard the lyrics.