I feel as if my back is attached to a filament that is keeping me from plunging into an abyss face first into oblivion. Life will never be as it was before. And although that sounds dramatic and before you dismiss me as being histrionic remind yourself that you don’t know me. Almost as much as I don’t know you.
I don’t have time to post so I’ll do what I can now.
Mom’s (what’s the euphemism for “bad”?) close to the end. The power in words is intimidating to me. What can be taken as superstition is the precise naming of an significant moment where my life’s fate hangs in the balance. Usually these moments come by surprise. Right now this has been building up most the year.
It’s amazing how much taking a cr@p is so important. I hate the smell, wish I didn’t have to perform the act but messing with an important bodily function such as defecating can make you miserable from pain and discomfort. It’s also amazing how dealing with a health care worker who is insufficient at performing their job can make my life so tortured. These are the things that my life marches around lately. I want them to. The one person in my life who really attempted to understand me and work with me and make things better and loved me on their terms is dying. Life is showing me how insignificant I am.