All the energy around me is rife with people talking to me about death and apologies and memories and how good I seem to be doing. I have to remind myself that none of these @ssh0les has a a clue about what I really look like when I am doing “fine”. K is all “Let’s be straight with each other” and sh!t. His @ss is on the line and that is probably the only reason he gives a rat’s @ss about me. F^ck him.

Otherwise my siblings tread lightly around me and act as if they really give a sh!t about my feelings. I know better than that. I can tell after my sister has taken me out for an afternoon by the tiredness for my talk she can’t mask at the end of the chaperoning.

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