I am really tired of people telling me they’re sorry and they know how I feel. I am MORE tired of myself telling people the same thing and buying into other people telling me that crap. Shut the f^ck up already. I really don’t know how I feel. I only know when I feel a sharp pain in my chest and I begin crying.

Even if you took care of your loved one through out the time of their decline and saw them wither away, I don’t want to hear about it. I’m not you, I can’t relate to you, I don’t want to relate to you.

A relative of mine told me that when she lost her husband young to heart disease unexpectedly a person she knew told her that it was natural and she would get over it intime. She said that she didn’t want to hear that at the time but that it was the truth. She did “get over him” and she was glad now and understood that the person was trying to comfort her. I know that that anecdote was told so that I could tolerate stupid and dense people telling me crap that I didn’t want to hear. What it really does is makes me angry that yet another @ssh0le is telling me something just as pat as any other well intentioned condolence that is manufactured to shut someone up instead of let them be who they are in their time of grief. I think that in polite society it is inappropriate to be angry when someone you love dies. It’s okay to be angry at the person who died but it isn’t okay to be angry at the f^cktards who want to console you.

Why is it that people want so bad to make me believe I am like them? It seems like the only time they tell me I am special is when they want something from me. I know I am cynical but I don’t think I’m so paranoid as to warp others motivations to be manipulative ambitions. Or are they reflecting me? Am I that way and people think that’s the only way to communicate with me?