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Nobody Home – The Kids In The Hall

I’m in the pit now. This isn’t the worst part of depression. That comes when my brain convinces my soul that it’s worthless and should do away with itself.

I just finished watching “The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst”. Admittedly it’s not the best show to watch when depressed unless you like to add a realistic horror atmosphere while watching it. My day started out bad, a carry through from last night. I felt the clouds of depression, paranoia and fear creep in and set in my chest. The man who directed “Catfish” the movie and produced the “Catfish” television series produced and directed The Jinx.

I don’t know how I can go on working. Those people hate me. They’re nice and all but I feel their hatred seething through them like a raunch warning hormone seep coating me in pain and despair. 

This house exudes the glue of Melancholia.

Today was a good day. That does not mean that all these signs and emotions go away. It just means that I was lucky enough to hit a confluence of certain things happening just right so my day did not blow up in any major or minor ways. When I came back home Simon still didn’t come back, my ex’s Mother was still dead, the depression was still waiting for me, smelling of tears and failure.

I’m trying hard not to beg. There’s nothing better that the depression demon likes than to see you on your knees wasting precious energy pleading for it to go away.

What can I do to improve this situation? I’m taking my meds (although I missed them twice last week.) I just found the video above. Going to see if I can focus on humor.

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