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Public Image Ltd – Rise

It’s not that he’s a bore or obnoxious in that way. He’s anxiety ridden and he’s  Republican and denial is something he lives by. I’m talking about my brother’s father in law.  He can be pleasant but it doesn’t take much time before he’s radiating tension and pacing a room. I don’t hate him but his nervousness strikes out at me and shocks me with it’s asp sting.

It’s like my son. He gets that wild and intense look in his eyes and he starts to move around like he’s trapped. Both of them could benefit from Xanax. They stalk and then hide and drink fast and their eyes dart. It becomes like an invisible safari. But what are they hunting? Are they being hunted? What’s going on in their heads? Enablers walk by ignoring their fear; they’ve seen it before and to them it’s just their “quirk”. Overly sensitive people feel their agitation and it becomes a part of their environment. To hear another, an enabler say: “Don’t let it get to you,” is the statement of the oblivious ignoramus. I can’t listen to the dense people that are only captured in their own heads. I envy them though and want to not be able to empathize with people in distress.

I want to be selfish and senseless.

I don’t want to notice the ones that don’t match the wallpaper.

For him I don’t feel bad. He perpetrates his own disturbance. He’s the kind of voter that thinks mental illness is a choice. He probably thinks his anxiety is an energy the kind that got him through University as he skated the edge of fear and used it to push his way to the end. I’ve been there breeding that energy by fueling it with christmas trees and little whities. Later when I found out I was bipolar I used the antidepressants that kicked me into a hypomania to lose weight. I would have had something there if they didn’t drop me into a hellish depression that lasted for months. Maybe I’m jealous. Maybe I’m just disgusted with @holes who refuse to recognize that they’re dealing with MIs. Especially @holes who are specialty doctors.

Oh I’m going to h3ll for this one.