A migraine for each day and no sleep until 5 am. Make that no sleep for 3 days in a row while it’s dark. I was spread eagle on my bed buck naked with ice packs and the sheets. I swear I’ve sweat so much I’m throwing this sheet set out. Staring at the ceiling which is pitched like a saltbox attic I woozily admired the clouds which turned grey then flaming white and sprinkled like cheap fireworks. If I squeezed my eyes a certain way a hole would form in the middle and then it would turn the negative shades when I waited a bit. The fan provided the background noise and shot a little relief from the stuffiness in the room. I couldn’t stand the full affect of the sunlight so the insulated curtains were closed.

I was avoiding going to the doctor. I like her but she has no experience with someone who has bipolar. Just thinking about going to her office made my anxiety rise and my blood pressure boil. I’m not sure if I should find another doctor since I need to go but can’t stand to get myself there.