Isn’t it paradoxical that although I’m spending the most time at home now I rarely write in this blog.
So I go to a Wellness and Recovery Center (I wonder what they’ll be calling them in 10 years.) One of the young guys that also goes there is almost like a kid. He is a bore that seems to want to hear himself speak. I probably wrote about him before. Basically he’s driving me nutty. I tend to let other people carry conversations. I’m a lazy conversationalist. I hate to be the uncomfortable wallflower but I also find my mind wandering when I normally talk to other people. I really don’t care what you say but I listen closely so that you think I am entranced. I want you to think I like you when really in 5 minutes I’m probably going to forget what we talked about. I’m an information junkie and I feel I’ve pretty much heard it all and done it all so I just don’t want to hear it again unless you have a unique spin that can help me out in the future.
So people think I’m wonderful because they think I really care. And since I do listen and give appropriate feedback (except when I am off my nut then I say impolite and twisted responses,) I am giving them what they want. I just am doing it for the wrong reasons. And I know this.
I know that I am a bore. When something troubles me that problem is all that I can think of. I repeat it to other people I know over and over until I feel I have resolved the problem and can dispense with it. Like this particular young man who I want to beat down and insult. And I mull over what I am thinking about him and why I want to degrade him and whether doing that is going to make me feel better or if it’s just a way to get self satisfaction by “proving” that I am “better” than him. And will that make me a better person? Because at heart I am truly a brute and selfish. I think about myself all the time and I fear other people. I feel like every day is a game of chess with multiple players who are ready to trounce me because that is the point of life. Being better than. And I hate it. And that is why I agonize over how I interact with people and what it makes of me. I don’t want to be a part of the competition, even though that is what America seems to be all about.
Why is it important for me to resolve dealing with communicating with this guy? In reality I don’t have anything against him other than he is vapid and he talks to me of subjects in life that irritate me. One of those subjects being taking care of children. He’s obviously gay, that’s fine with me, but he a) doesn’t have a child b) live with any children c) have much interaction with kids. He lives in a group home. So I assume that he is trying to relate to me. But he’s just alienating me. He tries to talk to me about cars. He seems to have a certain amount of knowledge of cars but I could give a rat’s @ss about talking about them. I don’t mind talking small talk but he doesn’t seem to have that mastered. It’s important to me to communicate with this guy because in the past I would cold shoulder them. I think it would be a help for me to attempt to not be so self righteous and superior acting. I don’t think acting like I’m better than other people will help me feel better about myself. But what to do about him? Do I get involved with him (NO THANK YOU,) do I adjust my conversational style to suit talking to him so I don’t want to throttle him or do I just sit and listen?
In Brain Pickings Barbara Walters gives her perspective on communication and on the art of conversation. There are some very good points in this review of her book “How to Talk to Practically Anyone About Practically Anything”.
“Barbara Walters on the Art of Conversation, How to Talk to Bores, and What Truman Capote Teaches Us About Being Interesting”